{"id":587,"date":"2009-06-05T21:34:35","date_gmt":"2009-06-05T21:34:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nullozinejr.com\/zine\/?p=587"},"modified":"2009-06-05T21:34:35","modified_gmt":"2009-06-05T21:34:35","slug":"husband-joke","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/2009\/06\/05\/husband-joke\/","title":{"rendered":"Husband joke"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I get a lot of jokes emailed throughout the day. \u00a0 Most are lame. \u00a0 This one though, I laughed.  Even Liz laughed so it must be decent.<strong>How a good husband should be&#8230;..<\/strong>Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company&#8217;s Christmas Party. \u00a0 Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn&#8217;t taste like alcohol at all. \u00a0 He didn&#8217;t even remember how he got home from the party. \u00a0 As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. \u00a0Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. \u00a0 And, next to them, a single red rose. \u00a0 Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. \u00a0 He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. \u00a0 So is the rest of the house. \u00a0 He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. \u00a0 Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:&#8221;Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. \u00a0 I love you, darling!  Love, Jillian&#8221; \u00a0He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. \u00a0 His son is also at the table, eating. \u00a0 Jack asks, \u00a0&#8220;Son&#8230; what happened last night?&#8221;&#8221;Well, you came home after 3am, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door&#8221;.Confused, he asked his son, &#8220;So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? \u00a0I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??&#8221;  His son replies, &#8220;Oh THAT!&#8230; Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, &#8220;Leave me alone, I&#8217;m married!&#8221;Broken Coffee Table $239.99Hot Breakfast $4.20Two Aspirins $0.38Saying the right thing, at the right time&#8230;&#8230;? &gt;&gt; priceless<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I get a lot of jokes emailed throughout the day. \u00a0 Most are lame. \u00a0 This one though, I laughed. Even Liz laughed so it must be decent.How a good husband should be&#8230;..Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company&#8217;s Christmas Party. \u00a0 Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-587","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-funniness"],"wppr_data":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1j9K4-9t","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/587","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=587"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/587\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=587"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=587"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nullozinejr.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=587"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}